The Journey

Today is a day I will never forget. It is a day to morn the passing of my sweet little Peter Gambling Parker. It is amazing how one moment you are the happiest person in the world, and then the next it is like the World has been turned upside down and everything isn't making any sense. How can such a sweet spirit bring me such joy and heartache? I never thought it would happen to us. We had 2 perfect pregnancies. Everything went perfect each time. Why this time? Why are chromosomes so specific to either work properly or destroy?

But then I need to remember that everything will be okay. Peter was a chosen spirit, and that all he needed from me was a body, and I was able to give that to him. I know that I am never given a trial that I can not handle, but this journey was something I had not prepared myself for. I felt him move inside me, I woke up throughout the night to pee, I was uncomfortable, my hip joints weren't fitting properly in the sockets, my back hurt.... for what? To be told that there wasn't a heartbeat, and my precious baby was no more.

My heart sank when I looked at the ultrasound machine, and as the tears rolled down the doctor's cheek... hoping she would find a heartbeat. Time stopped! My body went numb, and the journey took a detour. What just happened? Why won't David answer his phone? Our baby is gone. Next door I hear the strong heartbeat of another baby, and I'm jealous why can't that be my baby . Then a doctor outside the door is talking to a nurse telling her that his patient is dilated to an 8, and she needs to be escorted to Labor and Deliver. Why can't that be me? Emotions take me over, until I'm in the arms of the Man I love.

The doctor continues to discuss the procedures with us, but all I hear is silence but continue to see her lip move. The walk to Labor and Delivery is short, but a flood of memories hit me. David and I walking the same halls to help with the delivery of Lizzie. What happens next is something I never want to experience again. We are walked to our room, but it is not a special room it is a normal "Happy room" where healthy and happy babies are born. The warmer is ready and all the the tools are out and ready to help in bringing this baby into the World. This is not a normal delivery. Get me out of here! I am not going to be taking my baby home. Why does every happy memory need to flood my mind right now. Give me a sterile room with no happy memories. No reminders of life. Please oh please let there be a heartbeat.

The doctor inserts the medication and the waiting game begins. My mind continues to flood with excitement that I will have a baby in my arms within hours, but then I remember the special circumstances. This baby isn't going home with me. The contractions start, and I prepare myself for the most difficult experience I will have to live with. at 11:30 pm the doctor breaks my water, and I know the baby will be here soon, but we continue to wait. The pressure gets worse and then Achoo! The baby is here. I start to panic. I push the nurse button and scream that I need my nurse. I hear footsteps running running down the hall. The sheets are thrown off the bed, and the baby is out of sight. The nurse places the baby in the warmer. Memories flash to happy thoughts, but are erased with fear. What is it going to look like? Will it look like a baby or still kinda alienish? Did I get a baby boy like I had dreamed about or was it another girl? As the tears rolled down my cheeks, and barely get out, "Is it a boy or girl" It was music to my ears. It is a little boy, and he looks perfect. Physically he was perfect in every way. Ten fingers and toes. Two big dark eyes. He was everything I ever hoped for. He weighted point eight ounce and was 4 1/2 inches long, and was born at 2:00 am. David and I got to hold him, and say our goodbyes. How can this perfect little being be so hard to say goodbye to? Why am I so attached? How can I let him go? Please come home with me little Peter... I'm begging you. I need you to be with me. I need to hold you, and love you. I need to cheer you on with your 1st steps, I need to hold your hand as we cross the street, I need to hold you throughout the night when you have a bad dream. I need you more than you need me..please don't leave me!

The moment comes when I have to let you go, but you will always be with me. I love you Peter! You will always be my special boy, and I can't wait to meet you again. Remember no matter how far I am away I will always love you. Thank goodness families can be together forever. We will have eternity to be together.

Frankie

So for today's craft we made "Frankie" This craft was cut free handed, but I did look at this website for the idea on what shapes to use for "Frankie" http://www.glass-fusing-made-easy.com/images/frankenstein-pattern.jpg

Enjoy!

Egg Carton Spiders

Today was a craftful day. Lizzie has been dying to make these spiders, so while Grammie and Papa were here we start this fun craft. Lizzie loved giving her spider a mohawk. The mohawk was a lot bigger, but Momma dropped it a couple times while I was trying to get the eyes to stick. I'm thinking after this glitter glue dries that I'm going to hang them from some fishing line, and hang them from something.
Here is the link if you want to make them: http://www.enchantedlearning.com/crafts/eggcarton/spider.shtml

Thanks Angie for such a cute craft!!!

Pirate Day at the library

Today was a special day at the library! It was Pirate Day!!! and who doesn't love Pirates? The girls had a great time making pirate hats, and coloring their treasure maps. Grammie and Papa also got into the fun as well.

Shiver me timbers!!!

Who You Are

Have you had one of those days where everything just seems to be going wrong? The kids are driving you nuts, you feel horrible, and you just feel like "Am I right for this job?" Well I have had quite a few days like that lately, but today as we were driving to the library I turned on the radio and to my dismay this is what I found. Sunday was one of those days, and when I got stressed out of my mind I just need some good church music to calm my soul. Well on Sunday I put in the Hilary Weeks "The Collection" and lo and behold it was still in. So I turned it up and drove, but to my dismay this is the song that was on, and I wanted to share it with you. I know I'm not the only Mom out there that struggles with my routine each day, but I hope if you are one of those Mom's this will help you too. Take a Mommy Timeout go find this song on YouTube or Itunes and take a listen. Half way to the library I was in tears and remembering what I do is the most important job in the World, and how proud my Father is in me.

Hilary Weeks "Who You Are"

I know you wonder if you'll ever have a day
When the kids stay calm, the laundry's done, and the dishes are put away

And sometimes you feel like your days are spent and gone

And the question running through your mind is what have I gotten done?
And when you finally have a moment to slow down

At the end of your day

I know Father would say

Believe in what you're doing

Believe in who you are

Hold tight that you're a daughter of God

Believe in who you're becoming

Believe in who you are

It may seem simple-all the little things you do

But the lives you touch matter so much

And there's no one else like you

And Father needs you to stand tall and faithful

To be all you can be
Oh, if you could see what He sees, you'd

Believe in what you're doing

Believe in who you are

Hold tight that you're a daughter of God
Believe in who you're becoming

Believe in who you are

When it's hard to believe in yourself

And you feel like you're beginning to doubt

Remember

He believes in what you're doing
He believes in who you are
Don't lose sight of the truth that you're a daughter of God
That he believes in who you're becoming

He believes in who you are

Mini Carmel Apple Dips

So as I was surfing blogland. I found this special yummy treat. I LOVE Carmel apples, but they are the messiest thing to eat, especially for kids. So I thought these jems would be perfect for the girls, and oh they were!!!!

Here is what you need:

Green apples

A bag of carmels

Pretzel sticks

A melon baller

1st: unwrap all the carmels

2nd: Use the melon baller or measuring spoon to cut out chunks of the apple

3rd: Heat up the carmels I used a double boil method (water in pan boiling, and then placed glass bowl on top with carmels and a couple teaspoons of water-depending how many carmels you are using

4th: Stick pretzel into apple chunks ( I used a knife to help make a little hole so the pretzel could do the rest of the work, without breaking the pretzel. Do this right before you dip them since the apples get the pretzel soggy.

5th: Have your special helper help you dip the apple dips

6th: ENJOY!!!

Pumpkin faces

So for today's craft we made Jack-o-lanterns. This is a super easy craft. I asked Lizzie what shapes she wanted for the eyes, nose, and mouth, and then cut them out for her and Krislynn. To add a little spice I added a cute poem on the back called, "Pumpkin faces"

Pumpkin Faces
sung to “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star”
Pumpkin faces here and there,
Pumpkin faces everywhere.
Faces ready for Hallowe’en
Funniest faces we’ve ever seen.
Pumpkin faces here and there.
Pumpkin faces everywhere.

Flutter Flutter Little Bat

For our craft today we made footprint/hand print bats. Lizzie loved this activity, and she wanted me to trace her hands and feet over and over again. Thank goodness I needed a lot of hand prints/footprints since I did this craft in Nursery as well.

1. trace 2 hands and 1 foot on black paper
2. cut out 2 small triangles for the bat's ears
3. glue everything together
4. glue on the google eyes and draw a scary mouth
5. Glue on the poem, " Flutter Flutter Little Bat"
"If you click on the picture of the bats another window will open and you can copy the poem if you would like"

AMY'S FARM

We had a fun filled field trip to Amy's Farm in Ontario, CA. The kids had a great time feeding the animals and exploring a really farm. Lizzie loved milking the cow, but when she tried the first time the Momma cow decided she needed to pee. It frightened Lizzie a little, and her friend Liam had to go to show Lizzie the cow wasn't scary. Krislynn loved looking at the animals while enjoying the farm life. Even though it was 100 degrees we still had a great time, and can't wait to visit the farm again sometime soon.

Harvest Time

Harvest Festivals are always a ton of fun to go to. The girls had a great time playing games, earning prizes, and enjoying the pumpkins. Hooray for fun activities!!!

Lizzie and Ella BFF's

The girls wanted to be Ninjas and practice their karate chops and kicks. Too funny! It is always a good time when Ella is around!

Hand print Ghosts

Today's craft was hand print ghosts. They are super simple to make, and Lizzie and Krislynn enjoyed getting their hands painted.

Directions:
1. Paint child's hand with white paint, and then stamp it on the black paper.
2. Sprinkle ghost with glitter, and shake off excess. (I didn't have any glitter on hand so I used glitter glue sticks and had Lizzie paint the glitter on the ghosts instead.
3. Draw faces on the ghosts
4. Look how cute my girls are!!!


Happy Crafting!

5 Little Pumpkins

Today we made our own version of "5 Little Pumpkins" Lizzie and Ella loved chanting the poem and acting it out. Hooray for great October activities!
Here is the poem if you want to make one too:

Five little pumpkins sitting on a gate;
The first one said, "Oh my it's getting late."
The second one said, "There are witches in the air."
The third one said, "But I don't care."
The fourth one said, "I'm ready for some fun!"
The fifth one said, "Let's run and run and run."
"Wooooooo" went the wind,
And out went the lights.
And the five little pumpkins rolled out of sight.

Chicken Tortilla Chowder

*Since Fall has finally arrived here is a yummy soup to warm your tummy! Enjoy!

Ingredients
2 cans (10-3/4 ounces each) condensed cream of potato soup, undiluted
2 cans (10-3/4 ounces each) condensed cream of chicken soup, undiluted
2 cups 2% milk
1 can (14-1/2 ounces) reduced-sodium chicken broth
1 can (11 ounces) Mexicorn, drained
1 package (9 ounces) ready-to-serve roasted chicken breast strips, chopped
1 can (4 ounces) chopped green chilies
3 flour tortillas (8 inches), cut into 2-inch x 1/2-inch strips
1 cup (4 ounces) shredded cheddar cheese
Additional shredded cheddar cheese, optional

Directions
In a large saucepan, combine the soups, milk and broth. Heat through, stirring frequently. Add the corn, chicken and chilies; bring to a boil. Stir in tortilla strips. Reduce heat; simmer, uncovered, for 5 minutes. Stir in cheese until melted. Sprinkle each serving with additional cheese if desired. Yield: 10 servings (2-1/2 quarts).

Disneyland Half Marathon

4 AM getting ready The finish line (do you see me?)
after 13.1 miles ( I did it!!!!!)
my BIGGEST supporter!!! I love you Honey

Preparing for this race has been a blessing and a trial all wrapped up into one. As most of you know last year for our family was a difficult one, and I needed a fresh outlook on life. I was sick of being stressed out of my mind, and wanting to crawl into a hole and never come out. But that is why we have certain people in our lives to help us make it out of those crazy times, and have a fresher outlook on the positive things in life. At one of my MAJOR breaking points I felt like I couldn't go any farther. Life was crap, and I needed help. So I went in to visit our Bishop and had a heartfelt talk with him. To my astonishment his advice was something I wasn't expecting in a million years. He asked if I had a hobby. A Hobby? SERIOUSLY! I'm dying over here, and you want to know if I have a hobby. I told him I had things that kept me busy, and I started to rattle off what I did. He then looked at me, and I will never forget what he said next... "Well those are all great things, but I'm looking for something that you do for yourself" I was dumbfounded. For myself... I have barely enough time to change my underwear and you want to know what I just do for myself. He told me to go home and ponder what I wanted to do for myself. I was kinda angry walking out of his office. Thinking he would give me a quick fix. Something small I could change, and life would be put back into place. So as I drove home I tried to think of something I would enjoy just for me. Millions of things streamed through my mind, but they were not activities I found really enjoyable and I didn't feel they would help me out of this rut. I walked into the door told David what happened, and he told me to think what I could do, and he would back me 110 percent. (Okay I have backup from David.... now what the heck am I going to do?) As I laid in bed that night I remember thinking and thinking of this *wonder fix, but as the hours passed, and as I tossed and turned I came upon running.
Running and me are NEVER used in the same sentence. I am not a runner, and I have never been one, but back in college when I live in Provo I used it as my output of frustration with: school, work, and roommates. It worked pretty well and I found myself down at the track mostly every night. But, when I left Utah running was out of my system. So as I thought about this idea.... it worked once why can't it work again right? So I informed David about my idea, and my Bishop they told me to shoot for the stars. Last year I remember reading everyone blogs about doing the Disneyland Half Marathon. I thought it looked so fun, but laughed as I thought of the idea of running 13.1 miles. Well this year was going to be different and it has. I made some goals (and I NEVER stick to them longer than a month) but this year was going to be different. It had to be or I was going to really need help. So I got my friends on board with me, and we would walk every morning. It felt good to get outside with the girls and some friends and enjoy the hour of walking and chatting. Well after many weeks of that I added a little running into the routine, and off we went. I became the cheerleader for my friends and we did it. We walked and ran and it felt good. (* side-note: When you make a goal for you that feels right, it might not be the right goal for your friends) slowly but surely my friends dwindled off, and I was left alone on my running adventure. Which is totally fine, but it put the pressure on me to finish this. Am I going to get up and run by myself? It is too early... I will run later, ect. But throughout this challenge my life has been blessed. I have met amazing people along the way who have pushed me beyond belief. I'm grateful for those friends who would get up with me in those wee hours in the morning to push 4 miles in the cold. Or those friends who would push 6 miles in the extreme heat. Or even those friends who would be out there with me pushing major mileage each week, and feeling triumphant. Thank you to each of you! You know who you are and I'm so grateful of each of you. You have each touched me in more ways than one, and you have been the angels there to answer my prayers. As I prepared to meet this beast of a run I knew I could do it the whole time. Once you start running and for me as I pass mile 3 or 4 I can run forever. Everyone always says I can never do it! It is just too hard, but I promise if you put some faith in yourself anything is possible.
When I ran the Iron Girl there was a large hill we had to go up. Let me tell you I NEVER trained with hills, and here is my Everest. At the bottom of the hill there was a husband with his 2 small girls with a sign that said," You can do it Mommy! We Love you" As I saw that small family I pictured it as David with the girls. I got choked up and started to cry. I was scared of that hill and I didn't think I could do it, but that family was there for me too, and helped me push though. I will always be in debt to that family. That thought of them has helped me push even harder, and helped me though some of the hardest mileage.
My mileage was looking good, and my time was amazing to me. I knew I had this in the bag and I just needed to wait a couple more weeks till my victory, but life always adds a twist . I'm PREGNANT! WHAT!!! I can't be! Not now.. I have worked so hard. It can't be! Another baby wasn't in my plan, can I handle it? Krislynn is still a baby? After a week of denial. I thought I was going to power though this race. NO SENOR!!! That was not this plan again. I started bleeding, and the doctor put me on bed rest, and not RUNNING! The doctors continued to tell me that this race was something I shouldn't do. It isn't good for the baby, etc. By this point I'm pissed I worked so hard, and for what ? my body to get fat again and to be sick? No!!! I'm not given up on this race I have worked so hard. My doctor was running the race too, so I thought if anything happens she will be there so no worries! So I took the week off, and continued to train. I started bleeding again. She put me on bed rest again, and asked me not to run the race. She told me I could walk it, but NO RUNNING!!! so I listened and continued my training by walking.
Race Day was FINALLY here. I had so many restless nights about what I should do. I knew my body the best, and I wasn't going to sit on the sidelines. So I made the choice and ran/walked it. I felt good and I let my body rest. I knew when I needed to walk and to slow down my heart rate, and I did exactly that. You can make your judgements about me for not listening to the doctors, but I needed this. It was the best experience! even though I ran/walked I was proud of my success. I didn't want to get picked up and taken to the finish line, and my goal was to finish under 3 hours. I met both goals, and I can't wait to do it again. Hopefully this time without all the stresses of life.

Next goal: A RAGNAR RACE (12 people and 180 miles)

*Shout-out to Angie: I'm so proud of you! You can do whatever you put your mind to no matter if it is 3 miles or a half marathon! You go girl!!! You are my hero!